Pure Joy

While I’m on my mission trip it will have been 10 years since I’ve lost him. He was a great man. He loved God, his family, and people. Ask me why I am the way I am. He was one of the biggest influences in my life. I want to be like him. He could talk to anyone about anything. He didn’t care what your age was. He didn’t care if yall only had one topic that yall talked about. He loved to talk. He wanted you to know he loved you.

He loved to fish, hunt, and he even rode horses when I was younger. I wish I was into fishing and hunting when he was here. I would’ve loved to go with him to catch a fish or shoot my first animal. I was too afraid to ride horses when he was here. Now I think it is really fun (even though I don’t get to do it often) I can’t help but think of him when I listen to “Take A Back Road.” That dude loved the backroads he probably knew them all so he could go fish with his friends and family. 

I want to be sad, but I just can’t. Like thinking of him sitting up in heaven spending time with the God he loved so dearly. Thinking of the time we will spend together when I get there. Thinking of all the catching up we will do. We will go catch the whale that swallowed Jonah. It used to make me cry to think about him, but pure joy is all I feel. I love to think of the blast he is having in heaven. 

All this to say I loved my cousin and everything he taught me. I may have been 12 when I lost him, but I still at the age of 21 hold dear the things he showed me. I want to continue to love without wanting in return. I want to continue to let people know that they matter. That was one of my biggest things in high school. I wanted to say hi to everyone. I tried my best to remember their names, or give them a nickname because for some reason I could remember a nickname better than a real name. I just wanted people to know that I cared. Maybe I didn’t know them very well, but I was always there. If anyone needed me I wanted to be there. Not for myself. Not to feel good about myself but because I want people to know the love of my Big and Mighty God. I am so happy that God gave me the love for people. He gave me Doug to teach me how to be there, to love everyone, and to care for people other than yourself.

I don’t want bad things to happen, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in this life it is that God can use our scars to help someone else’s scars to heal. I do miss him, but I now know what other people feel when they lose someone that close to them. I finally have started to understand that despite feeling bad, pain is one of the easiest ways to relate to someone. We go through bad things, and in turn can relate and help others. 

I am thankful for God and His will in my life. Yes its been a roller coaster (which is great because I am a man who does NOT like roller coasters at all), but I know my God will use my ups and my downs for His glory. 

No matter what you go through in life let Him use your pain and sadness for His glory. Help someone going through a painful experience. Not for yourself. Not because people will like you more. But simply because you can show Him. You can be the hands and feet of God. That’s what we are here for. Be so nice that someone asks why you are in a great mood and so loving and caring. Show God’s tremendous love. Ask for His guidance in your life!